Saturday, July 31, 2010

Luisa, 20 Years at House of Ruth: Part 2

One experience at House of Ruth showed Luisa what she was capable of.

It was 1990. There was a client at House of Ruth who came from Juarez, fleeing domestic violence. Not even 5 months after moving out of House of Ruth, she got back together with her batterer. They moved into an apartment together. One evening, while Luisa was working night shift at House of Ruth, the ex-client showed up at the door. She was beaten, and was begging to stay because she feared for her life. The house was full, but the staff decided to allow her to sleep on the couch.

Not long after, the woman’s abuser showed up at the house, pounding at the door and demanding, “I came to pick up my wife. Let me in.” The door was locked, but the man jiggled the handle enough to somehow get the door open. Immediately Luisa put her foot in front of the door and stopped the man from entering. She smelled alcohol on his breath. She said, “I don’t know where your wife is, I’m sorry Sir. I don’t know you or your wife.” He continued threatening. Luisa stayed strong. “You have to leave. We’ve got women here sleeping. No men are allowed inside.” At this, the man moved his jacket to reveal that he was carrying a gun. “Listen”, Luisa continued, “If you don’t leave I’m going to call the police. We are a shelter and they protect us. They are right around the corner.”

Luisa was the only staff person there that night, but instead of showing fear, she pretended there was another staff member. “Teresa, call the police! Sir, for your own good you should leave right now.” Being that he was undocumented and feared an encounter with the cops, the man left and the woman was safe that night. They helped her get into another shelter.

Luisa credits God for giving her the wits and courage to get through that terrifying situation. She states, “I can manage crises very well. I don’t show fear and I am brave in the moment. I tend to take action right away, which can sometimes get me in trouble.”

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Luisa, 20 Years at House of Ruth: Part 1

Luisa has worked at House of Ruth for 20 years and has experienced both good and bad, triumph and failure, joy and sorrow, and moments that made her realize what she was made of.

In 1991 or 1992 while Luisa was childcare coordinator, there was a 15 year old girl who became a client of House of Ruth. Her name was Pearl, and she had a baby at the age of 14 who was the consequence of rape from a gang member. The father was a minor too.

Her boyfriend at the time wanted her to move out of House of Ruth and go with him to wherever he was going. He came to the porch and was calling her. She came out and they were arguing on the porch. Luisa and Sr. Judy came out. Sr. Judy brought the girl inside and locked the door, locking Luisa and the young man out.

Luisa knew her job was to convince him to let the girlfriend stay. “If you really loved her you would want what’s best for her. If you love her, you should leave.” The young man wasn’t convinced. He became frustrated and angry and threw his fist through the window. Then he fled.

The staff at House of Ruth called the police, and the man was caught just after that. They had followed the trail from the blood, since the young man’s hand was cut up from the glass. After this incident and the one above, the rules at House of Ruth changed. They did away with the visiting hours and the place became a confidential location.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Carmen, Childhood Experience


Carmen lived at House of Ruth as a young girl. Her mother, Blanca, moved the family into the shelter when Carmen was 6. Carmen remembers being at the house, and a few moments stick out in her memory as especially happy. One of her favorite memories was Christmas time. She remembers Santa Claus came and brought presents. She received a big doll that was as tall as she. "It was my height!" she says with a smile on her face.

Carmen also remembers her mother’s case manager, also named Carmen. She was excited to share a name with someone so wonderful. Carmen was one of her favorite people here. She told her stories and tried to motivate her by asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Even as a 6 year-old, life changed for Carmen at House of Ruth. She says that all of a sudden there were more people and more kids to play with. It taught her how to interact with people of other races.

Carmen says that she would have her children go through the same thing because she trusts everyone at the house, and because it was a good experience for her. She says, “When I was 17 I became pregnant. I never had a doubt that I could do it.” She knew this from the fact that her mother was young when she had children, and she was confident that she could raise her children because there were places like House of Ruth that would help her.

Carmen has lived in Los Angeles her whole life and thanks God for all the good work House of Ruth has done for the community. House of Ruth has changed Los Angeles from a place of despair to a place of hope for many families. She believes that without House of Ruth, more women and children would be suffering.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Maria

House of Ruth is more than just a homeless shelter; it's a place of opportunity. The reputation of the program is known, for a lot of women come to House of Ruth seeking more than shelter. They come because they want to be challenge. They want to make a better life for themselves and their children. Some women come with the goal of finally getting their GED, others, learning English. For some women, it's obtaining a full time job, for others it's leaving their abuser for the last time. Whatever their goal is, they feel it's possible to achieve it at House of Ruth. And so they take the giant leap of faith and make the phone call that becomes one of the most important phone calls of their lives.

15 years ago, Maria made the phone call to House of Ruth because her friend had given her the number. Maria was homeless and living with her sister. "I wanted to change my life,” she says.

Looking at the person she is now, I would say that Maria did change her life. Not only did House of Ruth change her employment status, but it changed her character. At House of Ruth she learned about responsibility and how to be a better mother. Instead of putting the parenting on family members, she started to actually communicate with her daughter. Instead of going out with her friends and partying, Maria began to spend her time doing healthy things with her daughter, like going to the park together.

While at House of Ruth, Maria stumbled and broke the rules, but she was given a second chance. From then on, Maria’s goal was to prove herself, and to prove everyone else wrong who didn’t believe in her.

Maria went back to school because she had dropped out in the 9th grade. "Being back in school reminded me of being young... and I felt free." Her case manager, Carmen Rodriguez, was constantly pushing her. She was always checking up with her and the other clients. Carmen would call the school to make sure she was there or even go over and sit in the parking lot outside the building. This accountability is what kept Maria on track and helped her change.

When asked where she would be without House of Ruth, Maria responds, "My kid would have been taken away. I really believe that... and I wouldn’t be the person I am right now.” Maria wanted to change her life, and she did just that. But she hasn't grown complacent; she hasn't stopped dreaming. "I'm still reaching up," she says. Maria’s goal is to buy a house and open her own restaurant.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Sharing the "Yes" Moment

The following excerpt was written many years ago by Sister Judy Molosky, one of the founders of House of Ruth...


The prayer of Jesus in John's gospel has been my prayer: "I pray for them; I am not praying for the world but for those you have given me, because they belong to you." God gave me many gifts during six years of vocation ministry, but the best was the gift of the individual discerning woman. Her story, her longings, her God experiences were mine to hear, and most often on a first meeting! I often asked myself, "Who am I to be hearing the depths of this woman's spirit?" I felt like confessor, discerner, counselor and friend with each woman.

The highlight for me was the moment the individual shared the "yes" moment. The most memorable sharing happened when I lived at the House of Ruth. The young woman had been staying with us and because of crowded conditions was sharing my room. Around 2:00 a.m. on the way back from my nightly trip to the bathroom, I was stopped and asked if we could talk. "Of course," I said, not knowing what else to say at that time of night. And so it was in the darkness of the room that the young woman shared her fears, her resistance, her deep longing for God...her readiness to say "yes". Opposition from family and friends was not an obstacle anymore. The grace of the moment came in the experience of God's presence in darkness and in freedom. Her heart spoke like St. Paul's: Life to me is not a thing to waste words on, provided that when I finish my race I have carried out the mission the Lord Jesus gave me - and that was to bear witness to the Good News of God's grace."

Cathy, may you continue to bear witness to God's grace!

Sister Judy Molosky

Staff Experience, Maricela


The residents are not the only ones who receive help and growth from House of Ruth. At times, it's the staff that feel they have been rescued. Sometimes the more you give the more you receive.

Maricela started working at House of Ruth 11 years ago. At the time she had no money, she lived on welfare, she was very shy, and she says she didn’t really talk. She lived in a small apartment with 9 children and 3 adults. On welfare, the home received only $947 for all 9 children because they did not report 4 of the children. They were afraid they would be kicked out for having so many people in the apartment.

Working at House of Ruth changed her life. She witnessed the other women who were at House of Ruth living alone, raising children alone, and saw how strong they were. She says, “My eyes were opened from being around such strong women.” This gave her the strength to stand up to her husband who was abusing her at the time. Being at House of Ruth gave her the courage to tell him she wouldn’t take it anymore, and to make him get a job.

Her daughter, who was young at the time, described it by saying, “My mommy was a Chihuahua. My daddy a pit-bull. The Chihuahua would always run from the pit-bull...now the Chihuahua eats the pit-bull.”

Not only did House of Ruth offer her this emotional and mental support, but also practical support. They gave her family clothes, blankets, and food which allowed her to save enough money to buy a house. She credits House of Ruth for the fact that she has a home and that her children are in school.

While working at House of Ruth, Maricela became pregnant. She was petrified and would cry because she thought she would have to quit working. She was afraid to tell Sr. Jennifer that she was pregnant. Eventually when she did, Sr. Jennifer laughed and said, “Why are you crying? You can bring your son with you and keep him in the daycare here.” Maricela was relieved beyond belief. She was thankful to have Sr. Jennifer’s support.

Sr. Jennifer always supported Maricela throughout her time at House of Ruth. She encouraged her to go to school, learn English, and complete 14 units in child development. Maricela plans on getting her GED and taking college classes soon.

Maricela works in the daycare at House of Ruth, where she says her job is to protect the children and give them love. She enjoys working with the children and says that through them she learns about character. She says, “The children come in here with a lot of needs. They are victims of child abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse. It’s hard because that’s what they know. And they try to repeat these actions. Sometimes I cry when I hear what happened to the children. Sometimes they’ll tell me.”

Maricela says that the children are the same as the ladies who come. That they come sad, but little by little they get better. She visits them after they move out.

Her best memory at House of Ruth was when the women would get section 8. She says they would be jumping up and down with the most beautiful expression on their faces! Also, she remembers a client named Monica who was going to child’s court to gain custody. The day she won custody they had a party in the office.

Maricela enjoys what she does; she is thankful for Sr. Jennifer and House of Ruth. Working in the daycare every day is not an easy job, but Maricela does it with such patience and love. Her loyalty to House of Ruth and the families that pass through is a true blessing.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Laura: Surviving and Thriving After Domestic Violence


We've all heard the saying, "beautiful on the inside and out". But has anyone ever decided what that really means? How do we judge beauty on the inside that we cannot see? I believe it has to do with a person's spirit and the effect it has on others. A beautiful spirit becomes something concrete - something you see and feel and love. A good spirit hits others like an unseen force, and people say, "Wow...there's something really there inside, and I want to find out what that is." Laura had that effect on me when I first met her and became friends with her. Everything about her - her work ethic, her faith, her desire to learn and grow and better her family - it inspires me. She is truly beautiful and I will do my best to convey the full character of the woman she is.

You wouldn't believe it if you met her, but Laura was a victim of domestic violence for years. The father of her sons was physically abusive, verbally abusive, and emotionally abusive. Of course at the beginning she believed that he was only jealous and wanted to protect their relationship... because he loved her that much. As it continued, however, she realized that it wasn’t normal. He started to threaten her, telling her that he was going to kill her and no one would know because she didn’t have family. The thought of being killed without anyone knowing is what really caused her fear. Then he started abusing her two small children and at that she reacted. When he attempted to harm them is when she left.

Laura says, "For me, my children are the greatest thing that God has given me besides life. Perhaps because my parents never protected me, I protect my children like a lioness." And so she left without clothes or money and went to a friend’s house to occupy a room. "It was not easy to leave. It was a difficult decision to make, because my children were very young and I was pregnant. I didn’t work, I didn’t have family, but God gave me the strength."

Life wasn't easy for Laura as she started a new life for her family. She spoke no English, had no clothes, food, or money and her children were so very young. She could count her possessions at the time: one thin blanket and one thick blanket. She remembers that when she was cold she would put the thick blanket on top, and when she was hot she would put the thin blanket on top. That was her life as she struggled to get by.

She was overwhelmed with physical and emotional stress. Laura was still pregnant at the time, but she had so many doubts about being able to raise another child. The uncertainty and feelings of being totally alone led Laura to alternatives. "I had a lot of stuff going on in my life, I didn’t have money, and I thought how am I going to do this. I don’t want any more children. Because I saw life so difficult, I thought about aborting him." Call it an act of faith, an angel, or maybe just a coincidence, but Laura met the right woman at the right time. A stranger saw Laura in tears at the bus stop and approached her and said, "It is a blessing to be expecting a baby and God is going to help you." And God began helping her.

The woman that Laura rented a room from was an ex-resident of House of Ruth. The woman knew that Laura needed help, especially when she saw her 8-months pregnant, crying in the stairwell one night so as to not wake her children. The woman only spoke English and they really couldn't understand each other. They found someone to translate and the woman told Laura not to cry because there was a place that could help her. That place was House of Ruth. She made an appointment for Laura to go for an interview. "During the interview I was nervous, because it was different. But House of Ruth opened its doors to me from the first day. I felt protected."

"When I got to House of Ruth, my self-esteem rose. I didn’t feel alone. I felt safe and secure. I started to view life differently. For the first time, I was happy that the sun was out. I was able to see the trees, the birds, and to see that life was beautiful. Even though I didn’t have a mother, father, family or a good husband, I had a life."

The family dinners were Laura's favorite part. To her, praying together and eating together at the house was the first experience of a family that she ever had. It made her feel loved. Having the support of the staff also comforted her. Two months after giving birth to Jesus, Laura was talking to Luisa. Luisa told her, "Laura, you look good. Everything will be okay." She felt her sincerity and tenderness. No one had ever appreciated and valued Laura that way before.

Laura says that without House of Ruth she would not have been able to move forward. She might have gone back to her ex-husband who would have continued to harm her. She wouldn’t have been able to go to school. Her children would probably not be the children that she has today. "For me, coming to House of Ruth was the best thing to happen to me, because I was reborn. Today, my life is different. I have three wonderful sons Axel, Danny, and Jesus."

"In this stage of my life, I feel happy. I think that in all my life I have never been so happy as I am today. I have God, I have my children, and I have my House of Ruth family. I have a house, my car, and health. I have everything. My goals are to work on my children being good citizens, better myself, and to open my own day care, and I have continued to study. Right now, I work for House of Ruth and I have a license in child development, I work with children that are victims of domestic violence. In this moment, my children also see life differently...after everything they have seen, what we have suffered as a family. Axel is in school, they all are in school. Daniel is joining the Marines. Jesus wants to be a graphic designer. And what gives me the most pride is that they always have in mind to give back to House of Ruth when they are professionals because House of Ruth helped us."

"I give thanks to God because he made people like Sister Jennifer and gave people the thought of establishing a shelter for victims of domestic violence. To all those women who are reading this, and are afraid to make a decision to leave domestic violence, I want to tell you that it is not easy but that yes you can. And when you do, you will feel that you are reborn."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

"Hello, can I speak to Ruth please?"

The Following is a reflection written years ago by an unidentified author. The reflection is kept in the archives at the Sisters of Saint Joseph:

"Hello, can I speak to Ruth please?" Everyone who has ever lived or worked at the House of Ruth has received a similar phone call. People think Ruth is a person, but we know she is more than a person - she's the spirit that abides in the atmosphere of the House. Almost 10 years ago Linda Pearson, the first director of the House of Ruth, suggested that it be named after the woman, Ruth, in the Bible. Her reasons were clear and convincing. The young Moabite woman, after the death of her own husband, chose to stay with her mother-n-law. No one knows her real motives...was it for companionship, or fear, or love? The fact is the young woman could have chosen her own life among her own people, but she sacrificed her own future for the good of her mother-n-law, Naomi. In the first chapter of the Book of Ruth, the young woman says to Naomi...

Wherever you go, I will go.
Wherever you live, I will live.
Your people shall be my people,
and your God, my God.


That kind of faithful support of one another is what the House of Ruth has come to stand for. Among guests and staff the rapport is one of; "I'll accompany you through this ordeal at the welfare office." "I'll listen when you want to share." "We're in this together.

May the brave Ruth of long ago continue to inspire the efforts of women-helping-women at the House of Ruth. And don't be surprised if the next time someone asks to speak to Ruth, the reply may be: "Yes, which one do you want to speak to?"

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Little History of The House of Ruth

Religious orders have always played an important role in serving the needs of society, particularly that of the neglected and underserved population. At the time the House of Ruth was founded the underserved population seemed to be homeless women, especially victims of domestic violence.

The Second Vatican Council, which ended in 1965, encouraged religious women to “return to their ideas of why they were founded.” In 1976, sisters started leaving the classrooms. The Sisters of Saint Joseph were supposed to look for unmet needs and figure out the needs that were not being tended to.

In 1974 Sr. Teresa Scotino was working at St. Vincent’s Homeless Shelter in downtown LA. She did an informal survey counting the beds available for the homeless in LA County. The findings: 600 beds for men and only 12 beds for women.

At the same time, battered women syndrome was appearing in the field of social work and becoming a more talked about issue. Three Sisters of Saint Jospeh, Sr Judy Molosky, Sr. Jeanette Van Vleck, and Sr. Linda Pearson started attending conferences and workshops on battered women.

The three sisters decided they would leave their jobs as teachers and social workers to purchase a house and open up a transitional shelter for women and children. At first they considered making it a domestic violence home. However, because they were a local community of nuns, they were unable to maintain the anonymity necessary. The fourth foundress, Sr. Georgeann O'Brien, was asked by the Mother Superior to move into the House to be a mentor to the three younger sisters.

So in the beginning, a generous organization gave them the house rent free. They sat down and had to figure out ownership/maintenance issues. For example, who fixes a broken toilet? What happens if the roof falls in? They came up with informal contract and thus began the ministry.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Blanca: Saved by Grace from Gangs


The staff can really make an impact on the women and children living at the House of Ruth. The case manager is usually the closest to the resident, but everyone seems to play a part in helping. Blanca lived at House of Ruth many years ago, but says it was the people she met there that helped her to change her life.

Blanca grew up with 6 brothers and they were all involved in gangs. "It was an ugly world", she says. Out of 6 of her brothers, 3 of them were shot and killed at the ages 16, 15, and as young as 13. She says she was always around drugs and because of her situation, she learned to always be on the defense.

Previous to coming to the shelter Blanca was living in Highland Park with her small children Anthony, Carmen, and Corina. They lived with her sister, her nephew, and her niece in a very small apartment because she wasn’t able to afford rent on her own. She was working on and off cleaning and babysitting. Her sister was leaving to go to Mexico which left Blanca and her children soon-to-be homeless.

Blanca came to House of Ruth and was transformed. Her case manager, Carmen, was the positive person that she needed in her life. She describes Carmen as "warm and loving".

"She would take her time and acknowledge me. Like I was the only one. It made me feel weird at first, but I got used to it and liked it. Carmen taught me how to show love to my kids...to hug them... say I love you. That is was okay to show affection. She had a handsome husband, two girls and a boy. I wanted to be a mom like her.”

Carmen would make sure Blanca was doing what she needed to do. They would meet once a week to talk about Blanca's goals for herself. Blanca started going to school and even taking parenting classes. Carmen was persistent. She would even follow Blanca to parenting classes to make sure she was going, and would visit Blanca in her room. This is what kept Blanca from goofing around, she says.

When asked what she remembers most about living at the House of Ruth, Blanca responds, "Sr. Judy Molosky, who was director at the time. I remember her red boots. The first time when I saw her I thought, how can she be a nun?” According to Blanca, Sr. Judy was a nun dressed like a cowgirl with short hair and wearing a skirt, button down shirt, and just smiling. It was the first time in her life she was surrounded by and actually hung out with Catholic sisters.

Sr. Judy and Carmen were not the only ones who played a significant role in Blanca’s life. Sr. Rachel, who was night staff, was really good at cleaning. She taught Blanca how to do chores right. Luisa also made an impact on Blanca. Luisa worked in childcare where Blanca would leave her children while she went to school. Luisa potty-trained Corina and took her off the bottle. Luisa showed the kids how to brush their teeth too. They would follow an activity schedule and they would sing and dance a lot. Before coming to House of Ruth Blanca’s kids never called her “mom”. Instead, they would just call her “Blanca”. Luisa changed that too.

Eventually Blanca moved to the transitional shelter and became more independent. She finally received section 8 and was able to move out on her own. However, House of Ruth meant so much to her that she returned to volunteer. Then eventually she started working there and she continues working there today. Even today she continues to learn from the women and her fellow staff members. Sr. Jennifer, who is the current director, became the mentor that she needed. Blanca and her family went through a lot during her employment but Sr. Jennifer never turned her back on them. She took Blanca under her wing and showed her there was more to life. "She's the one that made me see things brighter, more colorful. To Sr. Jennifer nothing is impossible. Out of something bad she'll turn it into something good. Throughout the years here I've seen how she has turned other families' lives around and how hard she works to keep the program growing. Even though I have a mom, I always see her as a mother figure."

Blanca says that without House of Ruth her children would be part of gangs. “Without House of Ruth, my son would have been a gang member, and would have been in and out of jail. House of Ruth saved my kids. And my sister and nephew followed.” And where would Los Angeles be without House of Ruth? Blanca responds, “People would find easy ways to survive, and the easy way is selling drugs, prostitution, crooked business. Families would end up homeless.”

Blanca's gratitude and love for House of Ruth is clear; it is her dream to one day be like Sr. Jennifer and to be able to do what she does.