I visited a former resident at her home one Friday morning. She was doing laundry and waking up her two oldest daughters who I also had the opportunity to meet and talk to. This family was kind, welcoming, and refeshingly down to earth. I stayed for 2 and a half hours as I listened to Elizabeth and her children open up about their lives. As I listened, I felt so close to these women and by the time I left, I believed I had made 3 very good friends who I hoped I would see again soon. I am privelidged to share with you this story of Elizabeth which is a story of faith during hopelessness and the womenly instinct to survive and overcome the most pitiful circumstances. This is the story of Elizabeth and her children.
Elizabeth grew up in an abusive home, and as the cycle would project, she became involved in an abusive relationship herself. She became pregnant at a very young age and by the time she was in her early twenties, she had 3 young girls: Janet, Jessica, and Patty. Janet and Jessica had the same father though Patty’s father was living with Elizabeth and her girls at the time. He used to mistreat the girls, and he was particularly mean to the oldest daughter, Janet. Elizabeth regrets the fact that she would allow him to be so mean to her little girls who were so small and helpless. He continued to hit Elizabeth until one day, she had so much fear that she called the cops on him.
A social worker came and took the girls away because of the abuse. They were put in foster care, which pained Elizabeth since what she cared about most was being with her children. The girls were in a foster home 2 hours away with a foster mother who was abusive. The foster mother treated Elizabeth condescendingly, sometimes allowing her to visit but other times rejecting her. Elizabeth never knew whether or not she'd get to see her children. She would make the 2 hour drive in hopes of spending 2 hours in the morning with her daughters, but sometimes the foster mother would say, “Sorry I’m busy today. There’s just too much to do. You can’t stay.” And at that she’d close the curtain while the girls and the mother tried to communicate through the glass window. Janet remembers this. She would wonder, “Why doesn’t mommy want to come in and see us?”
Elizabeth went back to the abuse of her boyfriend, as many women do, and she eventually had her 4th daughter, also named Elizabeth. Elizabeth feared what was to come. She knew what would happen. And a week later, the social worker showed up to take the baby. She had been through this before, but still, she panicked. She tried to hide and pretend she wasn’t home. The social worker barged on the door saying, “I know you’re in there.” So to not cause trouble, Elizabeth eventually, yet reluctantly, handed over her newborn baby into the hands of a stranger - the fourth child of hers taken away and put into the system. Sittin in her livingroom, she cried as the father taunted her. “How could you give away your own child? What kind of woman are you?”
This time, Elizabeth decided she would do whatever she could to get her newborn baby back. She had lost her motherhood once and felt that this was her last chance to retain what was left of her dignity. She knew that she would have to get help, but she didn't know where to turn. In her own downright words: “I had no idea."
Elizabeth left her abuser and was put in an emergency home at the age of 21. She had a case worker that, as she describes, was “white and beautiful”. They became really close. This mentor and friend gave Elizabeth encouragement as she fought to reclaim custody of her kids.
Finally, Elizabeth was accepted and began living at House of Ruth. She was given a big room because she expected to get her girls back. And to start, she would have the girls visit and stay with her on the weekends.
Elizabeth soon found out that she was pregnant again, and as any 21-year-old would do, she tried to hide it from everyone. She wore baggy clothes, and as her pregnancy progressed she even taped her stomach so that she didn’t appear pregnant at all. When she met with a social worker, she sat behind a table the whole time, hiding her stomach and not letting her see. When the social worker left, Elizabeth thought she was in the clear and quickly changed outfits and relaxed. As a twist of plot, the worker came back into the house and saw that Elizabeth was pregnant! She would have to work extra hard to get her life in order.
Elizabeth’s case manager at House of Ruth was Carmen. Carmen was tough, she said, "but that was good". She kept her in line and helped Elizabeth find housing. Elizabeth finally received section 8 and moved into her own house. She is now 34 years old and lives with her 7 children: Janet, Jessica, Patty, Elizabeth, Gilberto, Salvador, and Oscar.
Elizabeth credits House of Ruth for what she calls her transformation, and after meeting Elizabeth I do believe that she is not the woman of her past that she described. For one thing, she is proud of who she is; that was the impression I got as she gave me a tour of her house, her yard, her small alley, and introduced me to each of her dogs. I believe that she is also truly happy. She smiled brightly as she narrated through a photo album of her daughter's quincinera and as Janet performed a song and dance for me in the living room.
Elizabeth believes that without House of Ruth she would be working full time, and Janet would have to drop out of school to watch the kids. She loves House of Ruth for the case managers and the counseling, which was her favorite part.
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